Maboyz wawili wana-pass time lunchtime. Juu hawana ganji ya lunch, wana-share ka-fegi instead. Wako na bahati kuwa na ka-hustle, gava ya Sonko through Sonko Rescue Team imewapatia job ya kupanda maua along Jogoo Road na kwa siku wanasunda punch.
Man, ukilipwa punch per day inabidi ulenge sio lunch pekee but hadi breakfast inakua luxury.Juu ma-junior wanadai keroma, landlord anadai zake, school fees hujalipa na meanwhile kama kijana starehe muhimu. Nangos ya Opepe, mmoja wa hao maboyz inalia but before ajibu inanyamaza. Inaitwa ku-flash.
‘Nani huyo anakuflash, hajui kuna bamba ngovo siku hizi jo,’ Otero, huyo boy mwingine anauliza Opepe huku akichoma kafegi karibu kukafikisha half-life.
Opepe anacheki nani amem-flash alafu anachoka.
‘Ni matha bana’ anashow Otero, ‘alikuwa anadai ganji fulani nabado sina any. But itabidi nimpigie.’
‘Wewe ulitupa mbao’ Otero anadai huku anazidi kuskuma ma-puff, ‘Hii kazi ya Sonko si kazi but hustle, mbona uliwaambia umepata job? Saa hii wanadhani umeshika mkwanja noma. Mimi home wanajua bado niko jobless so hakuna msee ananiitisha ganji.’
‘Wee unanimalizia fegi!’ Opepe anadai akimnyang’anya Otero kapyenga kamebaki. After kuchapa puff moja mwenda, ana-show Otero, ‘Nisaidie na ashu niget bamba. Matha anaeza kuwa na emergency.’
‘Acha zako bro. Buy ata credo ya finje jo, ashu hauwezi ata sema hallo ukamaliza’ Otero anamshow akicheka.
‘Acha nikushow’ Opepe anajidai, ‘credo ni kama fegi. Ukinunua packo utavuta mob bila mpango. Ukinunua credo mob utapigia wasee bila design. So vile mimi hu-buy sigara moja moja ndio nisivute mob juu ya uchumi ndio vile pia mimi hu-buy credo ya ngovo ngovo ndio Safaricom wasimange ganji yangu. Ni kubaya jo!’
‘Yenyewe kama imefika hapo, ni kubaya!’ Otero anamshow akimgei ashu.
As the handshake continues to cause heartache in some quarters within Jubilee, Raila is turning out to be the enigma they claim he is in Kenyan politics. As people headed to the polls in 2018, Raila’s detractors claimed that he was armed with the last bullet. It was assumed that if this bullet didn’t make a kill, this would be the end of Baba and his politics. Baba lost the elections to France domiciled servers but before he was written off, he went abracadabra and from his bag of poly-tricks, pulled out the handshake.
What makes Agwambo’s politics intriguing is that he never lets you know what’s coming until it hits you. When his father died and Raila found himself battling Kijana Wamalwa for the control of Ford Kenya, his father’s political vehicle, no one thought he would leave his father’s party to form the little known NDP of the Tinga fame. Having realized that grabbing the reigns from Wamalwa would be messy, Raila walked out even if it meant losing his Langata MP seat and going for a by-election.
When Moi joined hands with Raila in the Kanu-NDP merger, he might have thought that he had tamed Tinga. He never knew that his decision to endorse Uhuru as the new outfit’s flag bearer would have Raila leading a walkout from Kanu taking with him die hard Moi sycophants like Kalonzo, Saitoti, Wetangula, Uncle Moody and many other Kanu ni baba na mama crybabies.
Similarly when Kibaki reneged on his promise to support Raila after dislodging Moi from power, Raila boldly opposed Kibaki in the 2005 referendum which saw him walk out the coalition to form the Orange party. Meanwhile who can forget how, after securing a re-run for the presidential election at the Supreme Court in 2017, Raila decided he was not contesting leaving Uhuru to rig himself against himself.
The most recent is the handshake, a move that has made him more relevant in today’s politics when he was supposed to be back in Bondo courtesy of vifaranga vya computer.
Talk to anyone about Deputy president Ruto and they will tell you how he has energy, great networking skills, a cunning mien and insatiable ambition. However, Kenyan politics are a different kettle of fish. So far the deputy has been on an adrenaline filled run but it is time to vuta pumz and re-strategize if he is to survive.
When people from central, especially the president’s alcohol buddies, start throwing shade at you, your goose is cooked my fren. Recent utterances by a few Kikuyus in public and a majority of them in private indicate the writing is on the wall, Mt. Kenya votes are not Ruto’s for the taking. Mt. Kenya has betrayed the whole country politically since independence but Ruto thought he would be an exception. Sadly as things stand, he is not.
By clinging on and hoping that Uhuru, whose camaraderie with his deputy has since waned, will endorse him for presidency, Ruto is seriously putting to doubt his allegedly acute political acumen.
I believe the time is ripe for Ruto to pull a Raila. Currently sections of Central Kenya are increasingly becoming hostile towards him, Agwambo his sworn enemy is now bosom buddies with his boss and the sorry claim we have for an opposition is in the clueless Mudavadi and a shadow boxing Ekuru Aukot.
The best way for Ruto to change the narrative right now is to resign as deputy president and start his campaigns from a new angle as the opposition leader Kenya badly needs. Jubilee is dead and if Ruto insists, Central Kenya will leave him with its empty shell. Otherwise banking his hopes on Mt. Kenya support through Uhuru’s endorsement can only have the success of a Mjaluo singer of Taarab music.
Let’s face it, many Kenyan tribes especially those from Western Kenya frown upon their sons who bring home Kikuyu ladies for wives. Why is this? Let’s for once just say it as it is. Luhyas love food, Luos are boastful, watu wa pwani live the ‘no hurry in Africa’ mantra and Kikuyu ladies are lethal.
Most Kikuyu ladies are naturals at identifying promising young men with obese pay-slips. Once the target is acquired, the ladies, not known for good sex, quickly offer the unsuspecting victim the goods. Once they fall pregnant, they close their legs and open their schemes. Their initial intention was not to settle with the brown-skin-stupefied men who lust after their claimed ‘beauty’ but to tap into their revenues.
Once the child is born, the father of the child is heartlessly dumped and his ass is dragged to the children’s court. Never heard of or been to the children’s court? Lucky you, you have not impregnated a Kikuyu lady yet. Most if not all cases at the children’s court have a Kikuyu woman versus an unlucky man.
At the court, your salary is ‘attached’. After all the haggling, the court will place a debit instruction on your salary account that will send money automatically to the Kikuyu lady for child support immediately your salary hits your account.
Now, imagine a Kikuyu lady has put you through such an ordeal and a quarter of your salary will be paid to her for almost the rest of your life and then you hear a friend of yours claim that he is in love with the same lady. You take your time to warn, rebuke and exorcise your brother from the same ma-demoni that possessed you not long ago but he doesn’t listen.
Stupefied by the brown thighs, your brother inserts his thing into this lady, whose people are not known for good sex anyway, and gets her pregnant. Once the child is born, you hear that your brother has an appointment at the children’s court and his overweight pay-slip is about to be put on a diet. Do you sympathize with such a brother?
Jaramogi tried with Kenyatta, Raila with Kibaki. The betrayal is history and we all know whose child between the rest of Kenya and Central has had the best of Kenya’s pay-slip since independence. When William Ruto got blinded by the claimed beauty of the Kikuyu lady, he was warned, rebuked and even exorcised. He said he knows how to handle the lady and should be left alone. The rest is now history in the making.
Let’s face it, when it comes to politics Kikuyus are self-centered betrayers. Ruto has been betrayed, nay, dumped. Let him eat humble pie as he watches half of Kenya’s pay-slip take development to Central Kenya to fatten a Moses Kuria who is has eaten too much, became too fat that his eyes can’t even open. That is why he is not seeing any development directed at Central Kenya.
Vile Naifeel 